layered comedy

The Onion used to be a novelty. Oh, look at this funny fake newspaper, honey; it's so cute! Then you put it down and move on, similar to your phase with Weekly World News... remember how funny that was? Well, The Onion is now a comedic powerhouse. They upgraded to podcasts a while back, which I flirted around with, but now they've got video and I can't stop (it stings). Btdub, their articles are still funny too.

Here's a classic that I saw a while back that will appeal to dorks like me more than anyone:



This one was released yesterday and explains how to pretend you give a sh*&! about the presidential election:


Today Now!: How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election


If you play fantasy sports, read this.

somebody dies in this post

I witnessed two events live in St. Louis last weekend, both of which included several of the same qualities: they were both witnessed by hundreds of people, and they uh.... both were... uh.. in St. Louis.

That's right, you've probably guessed what they were. The first was an Iron and Wine concert and the other was a giraffe giving birth. Iron and Wine was fantastic, save for the 'separate but equal' set-up in the Pageant Theater, where minors are only allowed in half of the downstairs and none are allowed in the balcony. The giraffe giving birth was like any child/animal-birth; it took forever, daddy was nowhere to be found, it occurred at the zoo, and it was highly disturbing. Not only was the mama giraffe strutting around in circles with two hooves sticking out of her anus for over an hour (I can only vouch for the amount of time I was there), but when the final push was pushed, the baby fell a good five feet out of mama, onto its head on the ground. You'd think the mama could have buckled her knees a little and laid her baby on the ground gently, but maybe the five foot drop acts as the slap on the behind human babies need to jump start their lives for giraffes. Watch the footage and see for yourself. Apparently, baby giraffes start walking within hours, but we didn't stay long enough for that. On a side note, did you know that guerrillas look just like humans; they gots fingers and everything!

I made a comment on the way out of the zoo about how I thought it would have been funny if we also saw an animal dying. Be careful what you wish for: RIP, Glen McMurry... of a broken heart.

Enjoy!

google maps has me giggling

There's a new feature on maps.google.com that will knock your socks off, and if those socks get knocked off outdoors, near a road of some kind, you'll be able to see a satellite picture of it on google maps a year from now. Here's what I mean. First of all, for all those mid-Missourians reading this, the feature is not yet available to you; it's only available in the big cities (Kansas City, New York, Chicago, Hampton Roads...). The new feature is called "Street View" and it will literally take you down the street. Until now, the satellite pictures used on Google Maps or Google Earth are all from above. Remember how cool it was when you were able to zoom in and see the roof your home? Now, you can look in your window, from the view of the street. Just type in an address, and click street view at the top of the map. Now, click one of the blue streets, and google will ask you if you want to see the street view. You better say yes! You'll be amazed by the quality and functionality. You can spin the camera around by clicking and dragging, with 360 degrees of capability. I've included a shot in Times Square and also one of my old college house in Norfolk. My guess is that the pictures are one year old, because of the cars parked in front of the house (mine, Colin, Doug, etc.).

There are two guys walking into the house in this picture. Maybe they're the guys who took all these satellite pictures...

conan o'brian is still funny

Reading a high school graduation commencement speech given by Conan O'Brian reminded me how funny he was. I used to love him. Now, youtube has reminded that he is still funny.

Here's a video of Conan and ex-co-host Andy Richter doing a Q&A session with each other. What a duo they once were...




Also, here's a short clip from the short-lived show Andy Richter Controls the Universe. Conan guest starred on this episode as the eccentric head of the company. Another great show that Fox canned. Fox is full of dummies.

see ribbon

Being a dork is a lot dorkier than I thought. Maybe I was spoiled back in Virginia with a plethora of dorks for friends, but it used to be a lot easier to get a group of people together to watch watch dorky movies; ie, asian, sci-fi, zombie, Miyazaki, etc. Sure, some of my friends abstained from these activities, but I still got some respect. I could have sworn being a dork was becoming cool, or at least on its way. Seth Cohen from the OC is a prime example of how dorks have now become cool. Seth, while obviously adorable, was a huge dork. He played video games, read and wrote comic books, and never really went to the jock parties, and if he did, he got beat up. Yet no one could deny his moxy. Ladies wanted him and dudes wanted to be him. I saw this social evolution growing up. When I was in high school, a copy of Electronic Gaming Monthly was a hot commodity on the school bus, even if it was the soccer or basketball team bus. You had to get in line to read it, and the qeue consisted of the coolest kids at school. As I got to college the evolution continued, and most kids were into at least one or two dorky habits. We probably have video games to thank, and now with the Wii, girls and parents are dorks too (although, parents have always been dorks).

Missouri is little bit different. Dorks are dorks out here. Maybe the cool dork hasn't made his way out to the mid-west just yet. Of course, gaming is socially accepted. Everybody plays video games. But this hasn't spilled over into other hobbies like comics, movies, TV shows, and computing (the word sounds dorky as I type it). Battlestar Galactica is my most recent example. It's dorky right off the bat because there's a made up sci-fi word right in the title. While I do admit Battlestar is probably the dorkiest thing I've been involved with, it would have been at least respected back in Norfolk. It's flat out frowned upon in Missouri. It's for this reason I bring it up whenever I can in social situations.

I like to first bring up the topic of favorite TV shows. Generally shows like Lost, 24, Sex and the City, or an MTV reality show are mentioned. Then I like to drop the BS bomb.

"Have you ever seen Battlestar Galactica?" At this point I usually can't hold in my joy; so, I'll ask the question with a big (dorky) grin. This is then followed by a frown and a few seconds of silence.

"Are you serious?" Now he or she is scanning my face to see whether I'm joking or not, a little uneasy about how to handle the situation. Do I let Jon know what I really think of him now or do I not make a big deal out of it and hope the subject changes?

And then Zach came along. An angel straight from the pearly gates, fellow intern, and now favorite roommate, Zach has been gracious enough to give Battlestar Galactica a shot. Like any dork relationship, it's give and take. Zach is a big Star Trek: Deep Space Nine fan, and not just a casual one. He doesn't wear a communicator on his shirt, but he is going through the entire series solo (again). He's halfway through season 4 right now. I decided to make an offer: how about you watch a Battlestar with me, and I'll watch a Deep Space Nine with you? It was like shooting a dead guy in a casket.

We've watched four Battestars together now and we're not looking back. Glen, bless his little heart, tried to watch one and couldn't handle it. I respect that, kudos for the effort. My third roommate, however, Jarred, has watched 3 episodes with Zach and I, and yet, refuses to admit that he's a fan. I think any sane person out there would admit that sitting through a show as dorky as Battlestar Galactica on three separate occasions would signify a "fan", or maybe better yet, a dork.

It's up to you, Jarred. You can come clean whenever you like. We're waiting on the other side...

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Thanks to my friend, Steve Mays, I have lately been enjoying the tech side of the internet. One of the best referrals Mr. Mays has given me is a techy named Chris Pirillo. Steve Jobs was giving a keynote address today on several new iphone and macbook features, and while I wasn't able to watch Jobs live on the internet, I was able to watch Chris Pirillo watch Jobs live on the internet. Pirillo has a live video stream of him on the computer, which sometimes is just as boring as it sounds, but at other times, like today, it can be pretty interesting. He's got a blog when some great tech reviews (mostly Apple stuff), and clever articles. Today he was really hopped up on coffee, and let out an emphatic "yes!" or "woohoo!" when Jobs announced a cool new feature. Maybe you dorks out there will enjoy him as much as I have.

bookmark this page

There's nothing more vital to the 21st century human than his internet routine. The internet is all about convenience. Just like with watching TV: nobody wants to have to actually get up out of their seat to change the channel "manually" anymore; so, the remote was created, and then lost in your couch cushions. Now, nobody wants to have to actually pick up the remote and flip through TV channels to get their news and entertainment. What a hassle. I want what I want when I want it, right? I mean, if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where the heck is the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked? Alright, enough alliteratory rhymes (that's not a real genre).

Like I was saying, the internet just plain rules. I can't get enough. Everything I know I learned on the internet. If I have a question I just go to www.askjeeves.com. If I want to laugh, I'll search for .wav clips from my favorite movies and TV shows; Tommy Boy, Billy Madison, and the Simpsons. These are great for mix CDs. Usually I like to stick a few laughs in between my pop punk. For example, I'll make a cd that goes like this: Whippernsapper, Slick Shoes, Dogwood, Vroom, Ralph Wiggum clip from the Simpsons, back to Whippersnapper, etc. I'll also tend to turn up the CD in my car at the funny sound clips if I have passengers in my car, just to show off.

Don't worry if you didn't recognize any of those bands in the last paragraph. This is premium underground stuff. You just need to get your hands on Songs From the Penalty Box, Vol. 3 and turn the clock back to when you were in 9th grade, and maybe, just maybe, you'll appreciate it.

So, here are the sites I like to go to for my different online needs:

Sports (mostly NFL):
si.com
espn.com
http://tinyurl.com/6ah3um (Kornheiser and Wilbon's video podcast)

Redskins:
washingtonpost.com/redskins
redskins.com

News:
cnn.com
nytimes.com

Politics:
thepage.time.com (just found out about this today, but I already love it)

Movie reviews and news:
rottentomatoes.com

Asian movie reviews and news:
twitchfilm.net
lovehkfilm.com
kfccinema.com

Music reviews:
pitchforkmedia.com

Profiles of celebrities and news anchors I have crushes on:
wikipedia.org

Cables:
monoprice.com (thank you, John Colonna)

Funniest internet show:
http://tinyurl.com/2mty4y

Tech reviews:
cnet.com

Sermons:
redeemer.com

Loneliness:
facebook.com

Blogs for keeping up with loved ones oversieze:
mesaydo.wordpress.com
petercphillips.blogspot.com

Hotness rating:
hotornot.com

Captain Picard rap song:
picard.ytmnd.com

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Anyone who is planning to run a blog to keep friends and family updated on life needs to buy this: the Flip Video Mino. It's tiny; fits right in your pocket. And it takes an hour of video (2GB). The video quality is surprisingly good, and the mic picks up sound nicely. Also, it's got a USB jack that flips out of the side so you can plug it right into your computer. It's easy to use (big red button on the back does it all) and not too expensive ($179). The Mino just came out, but I had an opportunity to mess around with the previous version last week. Here's a video of me toying around with it...

interns have hierarchy too

I am no longer the last link of the food chain. With the arrival of the Learfield summer interns last week, I finally get to eat. Once doomed to a work-life analogous to that of phytoplankton, I have now been promoted to a small crustacean. And what do I finally get to eat? Chicken biscuits. As I've already mentioned on this blog, I love Chicken biscuits. Brent Martin has been flooding me with free chicken biscuit coupons (2) he finds in the newspaper, and I finally got to use one today. Zach Osborne, summer intern and roommate, came to me this morning with nothing to do, and I said, "Wanna go to McDonald's?" I enjoyed the rush of being able to do that. I'm not sure I am able to do that actually...

I even get to give work to interns. Today Jarred Donalson, another summer intern and roommate, also came to me drunk with boredom this afternoon and asked me if I had any work for him to do. I have been an intern, myself, for a good four and a half months; so, I know what it's like to ask others if they have any work for me to do, and usually, it's because of devastating boredom. Just as I was finished telling Jarred I had nothing for him, Steve Mays came to me and explained how he'd like to create a Missourinet channel on YouTube and that he wanted all the videos on my account transferred to it... anyway, it came down to some mind-numbing cutting and pasting work that I was not interested in doing. Luckily, there was Jarred with nothing to do. I, being drunk with power, served Jarred (servant leadership) by giving him an opportunity to succeed. Jarred is doing that little project right now... while I blog. Now that I think about it, I should probably be doing something constructive with this time. Maybe God's giving me this promotion to give me a chance to prove I can handle the responsibility of... ah, I'll think about this later.

If you're reading this, Jarred, and you're upset that Zach came to me with the same problem, but I took him out to eat instead of giving him work, like I did to you, just take this as a lesson: If you come to me with boredom, you never know what you're going to get. It's like the mystery AirHead flavor, except in this case it's not always delicious, like it was for Zach.

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Here's a wire story picked up by the Nebraska Radio Network a few years ago. David Brazeal, who comes into Learfield every Monday, read this out loud to everyone in the news room as he was going through his old files. Sometimes fatigue can really take over and really effect your work, with some hilarious results...

(Bellevue) A walk to benefit cancer research is expected to draw more than 600 people, including Nebraska's first lady.
Stephanie Johanns will kick off the Relay for Life at Bellevue West High School tonight.
The all-night event will include a memorial service for those who have died from cancer, massages and face-painting clowns.